Saturday, July 2, 2011

Just Say No...and see what happens.

Small miracles happen... like this hydrangea...it was buried under 6' of snow after our New England winter snowfall, then getting all the snow from the snow blower.  I didn't think I would see one bloom...it had other plans(thankfully)

Anywho...back to the blog...

The slogan as I remember it was "Just say no." Well I did.
I said "no" to my mother in law.
To clarify I said "no"to my husband about my MIL coming for the weekend.
I just couldn't do it again...she would be here from Friday afternoon through Tuesday.
Keeping in mind that from Sunday to Monday we have no children at home.

My husband is the baby of 6. When he was 8 his mom "checked out" for a while. He doesn't talk about it, I hear bits and pieces about it from his family, including his mother.  Being the youngest I think made it really difficult.  He missed out on the things that made his family the family they were(for better or worse).  I think that early experience had a big effect on him, how could it not.  

His mother was remarried and her husband became very sick.  She cared for him for 10 years until he passed this last November.  After that time, we didn't want her to be alone and wanted to help her through the holidays.  She stayed with us every weekend from before Thanksgiving through New Years.  I didn't mind at all.  It was wonderful to have her and share the season with her as she found her way in a new life alone. 

The visits slowed, but didn't stop and then picked up speed again. I do love my MIL, but she can be tough.  There is always a comment for something and she does know everything.  Just an example...I struggle with my weight and so do members of my family.  When my son was a baby and I was breastfeeding, he was a plump little one.  She said to me,"I breastfeed some of my babies but they never were like that, but they didn't have the fat gene." I swear I didn't even know what to say at the time.  It wasn't the first time and not the last of her comments.  She is also one that seems uncomfortable with silence and will fill quiet with her constant chatter.

So as I blogged earlier, work is not good and it isn't getting better.  I really needed this 3 day weekend to recover.  My man for the first time in a long time was not only on a different page, but a different chapter.  I asked him that his mother not come.  He had been upset about it since.  He isn't a mamma's boy, he is the fixer.  In my opinion(in a non-trained layman's analysis) he has been trying to fix things since they fell apart when he was 8. I think he wants to show what a family should be.

I worry when we have fundamental differences like this.  It shakes me to the core.  We have always been such a strong team, together 20 years.  We had a conversation, it wasn't pretty.  I held my ground, I had to. After about an hour of weeding the garden he came back in and apologized, thankfully.

It wasn't so much the apology I needed...I needed to know that we are back one the page, that we are good...and we are.

It is days like this that I am very happy to have an anonymous blog...

6 comments:

Mommie Dearest Strikes Again said...

First, I have to tell you that those hydrangeas are stunning! I'm jealous of them - I can't seem to keep mine alive down here. Maybe it's too hot for them?

I sympathize with your MIL situation. We've had similar types of issues here. I WISH my blog was anonymous! Trust me, I would never run out of blog fodder!

Good for you for standing your ground...I hope your weekend is relaxing and rejuvenating for you.

Nicole said...

Sorry about the MIL situation. That sucks. At least you can vent here.

Those hydrangeas! They are amazing. I'm VERY jealous.

Anonymous said...

Love the blue hydrangeas. I dont have any yet buth they are in the plans for in front of my porch.
I can relate to the mother in law situation. Mine is very difficult also. Another reason Im glad I live 3 hrs away.
Blogger still wont let me post comments under my name.
Dena
a1axelady from The Blooming Cottage

Stitchfork said...

Thinking of you, and hoping you can enjoy the holiday and a break.
xo Cathy

Reality Jayne said...

about 15 years ago...I was full out attacked by my whole inlaw (outlaw) family...They were horrible to me...My husband never really defended me like he should have..(cause he was afraid of hurting his moms feelings)
I have nevr liked them since ,and while, me and my husband are best friends and have got through it.....it still hurts when i think of it.
Men i think are just different like that ....Women i think defend their new family no matter what and i think guys have some weird loyalty...to the old family

Technodoll said...

I think you've done more than your share of awesome DIL stuff - when you need time out, in your own house, you take the time out. hubby is there to support you, he married you - not his mom. I'm glad you ironed things out... just wish it was simpler for you guys. I'm lucky, my husband has been estranged from his mom from a young age and wants nothing to do with her. Peace! :)