Friday, August 19, 2011

Friends don't let friends blog buzzed...

OK bloggers...it is Friday night...I am a few cocktails into it and I am amazed how some relationships can totally suck the life out of you. I am very happy I have kept my blog on the DL, I've got some stuff to get off my chest. 

I have had some very dysfunctional friendships.  I love Janie Fox's blogs of what she knows for sure and I love Reality Jayne's bullet style so I am going to try to do it chick style...what I have learned from the whacked out chicks that have come, gone and still remain in my life.

1. My friend married a man who I think kept a secret.  I think he is gay. She had her own secrets of an enormous debt that she didn't tell him about.  I knew about these secrets before they got married less than 2 years ago.  I couldn't find the words to say anything.  They are getting divorced.  What I learned...try to redirect traffic when you see a train wreck about to happen. I have no idea how to do that yet, but I am going to work on it.

2. I had a friend for 22 years.  I saw her once a month for dinner with another friend, for 22 years.  When John McCain named Sara Palin as his running mate I said that I liked the idea of someone in a high office that I can identify with and who can identify with my life more than most of the men who are messing our country up over pride and a refusal to compromise.  That was the last dinner we had together.  She has never spoken to me since, even after I have tried to reach out to her...nothing.  What I learned...she is a very mean person, no but seriously...I learned that people are very effected by the political environment during their early adult years. We are from 2 different generations and she couldn't accept a different view.

3. I got into a fight today with a good friend. It was a big fight.  I think I have only fought with my sister that way and the last time I fought with my sister that way was 20 years ago.  I am not a yeller at friends...kids, yes I will yell at them all day...friends, no that is just not how I roll.  I say it like I see it and have no problem with that.  The problem is that other people who don't have the balls to do the same blame you for their inability to say it like it is.  Because this friend couldn't say things to my face, she did a bunch of undermining passive aggressive stuff to get the result that she wanted, just without having to talk to me about because she says she can't do that.  She says she is a people pleaser, well I can tell you something...I was not pleased getting yelled at!  She doesn't want this fight to effect our relationship...hmmm.  What I learned...she is freaking crazy if she thinks that this won't effect our friendship.  She is selling crazy and I am not in the market.

4.  This brings me to important life lesson that I need to remind myself.  Stop trying to make a square peg fit in a round hole.  This is the crux of my problem.  I have and have had friendships with crazy women.  My issue is I am loyal to a fault.  I will keep on keeping on with these friendships.  I will feel like I failed when it goes bad. What I learned...look at the fact that they were crazy and the failure was inevitable.

5.  Friends should not yell at friends unless they are literally smoking crack or doing other crazy shit!

9 comments:

rugosarosefarm said...

Don't you feel lighter now that all the luggage has been expelled? I think maybe a deep breath is in order :) Breath in..... And out ( loud sigh) ahhhhhh. You may have a slight nauseous feeling in the morning.

Reality Jayne said...

hehe...i like it.
I have learned that most people that are riding the crazy train, don't even care if there is a conductor.....Sometimes ya just have to watch the train go to hell...And guess what?....Sometimes its enjoyable.
I also have decided that as we get older ...we just dont want to waste time on crazy ass friends....
It also sounds like your dinner friend was a liberal...Way left liberals are on my dislike list...but i am on theirs too...hehehe
I am here to chat if you need to vent again...Blog friends can be good for these things....

Reality Jayne said...

I suspect that in the morning ...you will feel as light as a feather...

The Frat Pack + Me said...

Love Janie Fox. This post made me giggle....there are some nut jobs out there for sure.

the cake chick said...

I feel light as a feather, I feel light as a feather. The sad thing...this is only the tip of the ice berg.

Janie Fox said...

I have ended two friedships over the years. The first was a friend who was super needy. She wanted to hang out daily etc. and she would get mad when I was with other friends. The second was a biotch which I could tolerate but then she lied about my kid calling and complaining about a mattress she sold to my daughter and SIL at the furniture store she worked. She told several people how Annie was being a princes...come to find out None of it was true. She was always a little put out when I spent time with my girls. I don't miss either friend. I don't have time or desire for friends who need managed to stay happy.

Nicole said...

I LOATHE passive-agressiveness. JUST SAY WHAT YOU MEAN, DAMMIT. Ugh. Sorry about your friends. By the way, I blog buzzed whenever I blog on a Friday night! Hee.

Bee Lady said...

Wow cake chick - what kind of cocktails? I want some!

Cindy Bee

Anonymous said...

My parents used to have parties at election time, and everyone would bring their own political sign, didn't matter which party they leaned toward or were entrenched in. They were friends and they had a good time with their rivalries. It doesn't matter if you are left or right, but if you're nuts or passive aggressive, well there's the issue. And let me say, some girls are absolutely crazy, they want what they want and they take and take. The universe is just cleaning up the area around you, to make room for better friendships, IMO.

J.